I've lost my Muchness....

...yeah. I had no idea. I mean I guess I knew but I didn't know. You know what I mean? I knew I'd lost it, but I had no idea what it was. It was my Muchness...Once upon a time I was much muchier. I had much more...more me. More carefree and fun. More laughs and more silliness. Much less seriousness, much less world on my shoulders. Much more sense of adventure...Then all of a sudden s$%# got real. Life happened and I found myself with much more responsibility and much less breathing room. A view of the world that was much less happy and safe and much more dark and real. So many things have happened over the past few years and each of those things took pieces of my Muchness...I left Washington and my friends, my dad died, my husband and I split, my grandma died, friends have waxed and waned....I am consistently here and breathing. But my Muchiness, notsomuch.

Last night I was out to dinner with a friend. He told me, "You've lost your muchness..." At first I was confused.  Have I? How is that possible? What is it that I have lost? Wait, people can tell I've lost it? But he was right and I new it. I am not the same me I was, I mean I am but I'm not. I don't want to feel 30 something...but I'd rather feel 30 something than 40 something (no offense to those who are 40 somethings...). Change is good but not all change is good.

Here is a clip in case you have no idea what I'm talking about:



So, it's true. I used to be "much muchier". At this very point in time I've lost my "muchness".  I looked it up just to be sure I truly understood and sure enough, it means "the quality of being in great quantity, extend, or degree." So the Mad Hatter was pointing out that Alice had lost some of who she used to be, she had lost some of herself, her true essence of herself, as she'd grown older. I'm determined to not let life take anymore of my muchness....I've got many more years and experiences ahead of me. At the rate I'm going I'll have lost ALL my Muchness, not just a chunk.

This summer it is my mission, with the help of my friend who wasn't afraid to tell me how it is and all my other friends who've missed my Muchness, to get my Muchness back. I've lost sight of me, or maybe I was never in sight of myself...but it's time. Now, just to figure out how exactly I can do that.....

I Got the Worm!

...as in the early bird gets the worm (what were you thinking?!)!

I've had an alarm for May 15th 12:01 AM set in my cell phone for weeks. So of course I was up last night as soon as the alarm went off and pulled up the website for The Army Ten Miler in DC this coming October. J-Ninja and I were on it. In the years past this race has sold out opening day so we weren't gonna mess around and miss out. I got my Registration Confirmation at 12:57 AM.

This year was no different; it was sold out by 9:30 this morning. It's going to be punch-me-in-the-face-packed with 35,000 participants but that's ok! We are really just doing it to get out of town, spend a long weekend in DC, and party like it's 1999 run. I'm pretty excited. This is the only race on my calendar for now. I'm still looking at a few local tris and itching to get back in the water.

Speaking of water, LB took me kayaking for Mother's Day! Well, I actually paddled him all around the lake, but he put forth a valiant effort and really worked hard rowing. Poor kid was wiped out by the time we finished.

It was super fun and probably the best Mother's Day yet! Hanging out with him on the water with nothing to do but talk about nature and spiders and fish and snakes and turtles and swimming and ninjas and legos and beaches and dogs and what we should do next was awesome.  I love that LB is getting old enough to go and do things like this with me.  He's already asked me when he can do a tri. I guess I better get on it. It is definitely one of the most rewarding things to see how this active and healthy lifestyle is carrying over to him. 

Run Naked...

I ran naked Saturday...as in no Garmin. Totally forgot it at home.

I sometimes always run faster when I leave the Garmin behind. I got my 5k and 10K PR's when I ran naked. Running is so mental and I know I am a weakstick when it comes to running and pace. If I look at my Garmin and see a 7:50 min/mile pace I freak out and slow down. Even if I'm feeling good. But I'm a stats geek and love to have the stats from all my runs, even if it makes me run slower.

So remember the marathon relay I mentioned in the last post? The one where we discovered AFTER registering that it would be 16 laps of 1.67 miles? Yeah...I was pretty worried about it but it turned out to be really cool. The "lap" was a trail through the trees with many twists and turns and ups and downs. It didn't get boring or old at all. We decided to switch off every lap. I'm not sure if that was the best idea but it seemed like a good one at the time. My first 5 laps were pretty great but by the start of my 5th lap I was getting pretty tight. I was able to hold off any one passing me except for maybe a couple of dudes. I felt like I was running pretty good when all of a sudden a chick flew by me. It ticked me off...she was blazing. Fast. Like I wanted to yell at her, "Only you can stop forrest fires!" But she was too fast and wouldn't have heard me. She was on a team of 4 and her team ended up finishing the marathon in 2:58 with an overall 6:48 min/mile pace. They were sick (in the nicest complimentary way)! She passed me and I had to let her go...It made me mad.

Running these laps reminded me of my cross-country days when we would do mile sprint repeats on a dirt road we called "The Hill" (it was a mile long). I remember one day in particular when I went home so mad because we had run 14 miles in one day. I thought that was torture. Absurd! Abuse! We had to run two miles to The Hill and then did 5 mile sprints with a recovery jog back to the bottom of the hill just to sprint it again. Then we had to run back to school. Those were the days. And Saturday's relay was much the same.

8 times I ran that loop. 8 times I could not wait to give the stupid baton to my teammate so I could go sit down. While I sat down and recovered the blazing fast team of crazy fast girls were running back and forth, jogging and staying warm. Not getting tighter and tighter...like me. I knew they had the right idea but I didn't care.

In the end me and my teammate won the Female 2 Runner Division! We were super happy with our performance!

Got our 1st Place Mugs!

So the 16 laps weren't so bad...thankfully the trail and scenery were enjoyable. I am so sore today and I'm pretty sure it's from sitting around between laps. I tried to stretch but I didn't stay lose. I almost want to say I am sorer than I have ever been. I'm so sore that the thought of my Sunday night hot yoga actually makes me hurt worse. My calves and hips and hamstrings and my knee and my back hurt.  In fact, I think I'll go back to bed right now....

And of course the Signature Pose....

Hot Yoga..

...It's getting hot in here, so hot, so take off all your clothes. I am, getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off.  It's getting hot in here, so hot, so take off all your clothes. I am, getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off....

Whoooooa Nelly....too far.  Please, please keep your clothes on while in Hot Yoga...

You get the point.  It's no secret that I love the heat. I love the sun. I love the summer. I love the North Carolina summer when it's 108 degrees and even when it's 98% humidity.

I love it.

I hate the cold...it makes my body hurt. Heat just feels like a warm blanket wrapped around me. I love to feel the sweat start to drip. It makes me feel like I'm working so much harder than I probably am. The room is kept at 100 degrees!! Perfect!! I've gotten quite fond of my weekly Sunday night hot yoga class. It's the perfect way to end the weekend and get ready for Monday.

When I can't make it I'm usually grumpy until I can make the next class. It's funny how we get into routines; creatures of habit I guess. Not to mention, after class I like to hit up the local market to get some Organic goods that my local grocer seriously lacks. I usually stock up for the week. And I've been making my green smoothies again with 50% of the ingredients coming from my own garden! One of the produce guys has gotten to know me and teases me endlessly about my ginger root and kale bundles. He likes to point out that ginger is good for upset stomachs. I agree but add it's a good natural anti-inflamatory, improves immune system and helps fight ovarian and other cancers. So yes, tease me about my ginger....I'll take two. Thanks...

Green Smoothie!! 

I like that I have a routine and I need it. I don't think I've always been that way. Actually maybe I have. When I have a good, solid running routine I do best.  I like consistency and routine for most things but I also like to think I'm not rigid or inflexible.

Inflexible....speaking of flexible or not so flexible, I noticed tonight I'm getting better at yoga. A few years ago I went three or four times a week. I noticed a serious improvement in flexibility, strength and my running. Tonight I felt stronger. I'm sure it's the consistency of the yoga practice paired with my twice a week visit to the weight room. It's always motivating to see gains.

In other news, not hot or yoga or ginger-related, my second half marathon of the year is next weekend. I'm ready, I think....but I just realized the course is a bunch of loops. Yes, stupid, horrible, awful, annoying, shoot-me-in-the-face-loops. Not a nice long 6.5 miles loop I'm gonna do twice but a loop of 1.74 miles. WHAT? Whose idea what that? It was a dumb one, I know that much. I have heard horror stories about loop races. I'd probably back out if I weren't committed to it as a 26.2 relay with a friend from work. So we both will be there, cheering each other on...lap after lap and lap after lap.....Seriously how am I gonna get away with walking on a 1.74 mile loop?

I don't know how I get myself into these things...

Hit the Trail...

No really. I literally hit the trail today. 

Today was one of those days where I didn't have to be to work until a little after 1 o'clock. I love days like this. I  had planned to hit hot yoga this morning. Last minute I changed my mind when I was invited by an old friend, Nomad Runner, to run a nearby trail. I do love running trails but not by myself, so I could not possibly pass it up.

We met at the beginning of the trail, which is really a mountain bike trail, tagged "Difficult Trail". I had no idea how far it would be but I was ready to run. Plus I had no idea how fast Nomad Runner would be. He used to be much faster than me, but that was a few years ago. He didn't outrun me this time around.  The trail was nice, soft, and a little sandy but not bad. We twisted and winded and turned and climbed. There were no steep, long inclines but many little ups and downs. It was fun and I enjoyed hearing his advice for me, not to mention adult conversation is rare these days....

I was getting cocky, especially when Nomad Runner tripped and nearly fell....he saved it though, inches from the ground. About three miles in I started tripping up over all the roots and stumps in the trail. When I get tired my feet don't come up off the ground as far as they need to. That really makes things difficult.

We ran along and suddenly Nomad Runner said something and all I could really make out was "Mumble...blah blah...Cool, look, skunk....blah blah SEE!! THERE!!" Ummmmm "NO! I don't see! Not cool! STOP RUNNING!!!!" The last thing I needed was to be sprayed by a stupid skunk! A skunk's spray can go pretty far and with the wind we wouldn't stand a chance. I'd have to call in skunk to work for the next week! So we stopped and he pointed out the big, fat, dark skunk-looking creature just as ran behind a tree. I watched for a second and saw it scurry up the tree. What?! Since when do skunks climb trees? We debated for what seemed like five minutes but it was probably only 20 seconds since the furball was climbing the tree at warp speed, terrified of us...then we caught a better look at it, then there were two--two of the biggest, fattest, darkest squirrels I have ever seen. But definitely not tree-climbing skunks. Ahhhh.......rest....

And we continued on our way.

Sure enough about 4.5 miles in I bit it. I can't catch myself and I can't fall gracefully. I've learned to just let it happen...Although I did try to prevent myself form landing face-first and ended up landing on my backside-somehow. There I was, sitting on the trail...ahhh.....rest. 

All I can do really is laugh. I've had some really ridiculous falls in my running career: The one in the middle of an intersection in front of a car full of college boys, yeah that was awesome, pushing LB in a running stroller and causing it to fall backwards as I hit the sidewalk, three times in the first mile on a trail run with J-Ninja (seriously, I can't make this stuff up), then most recently the near-death experience while running in the dark and falling into the biggest whole I have every seen (can you say man-eating sink hole?) and nearly getting hit by a motorcycle...and now this. Today pales in comparison though actually. I have one tiny scrapey scratch on my side-butt. I think I'll live....

Yeah I have no idea....

Boston Memorial Run...

...I think everyone and their dog ran some sort of Boston Memorial Run this past week. I'm glad I joined in the fun.

This past weekend all the running clubs in town came together for an unofficial meetup, no road closures, no permit, no support....nothing. And that was awesome. I'm not sure of the official number but it had to be over 100 runners.

I was a bit worried because I had LB with me. Sometimes he can be difficult, stubborn, and just plain refuse to participate. I know I can force him with threats and punishment but that's not usually my parenting approach. So I wasn't sure how this run would go, one of two ways: good or very, very bad.

To my surprise when we rolled out of bed at 6:30 AM I told him to get dressed and ready for a run. He grumbled a little bit about not wanting to but all I had to do was say, "It's a Memorial run, for Boston. Not an option. Put on your shoes." Done and done. He was in.

Ready to run! PLEASE excuse his attire and lack of real running shoes...

He picked his own clothes, I wasn't gonna fight it. I think he grew a few inches since 

he last wore those pants. And I have no idea what happened

to his running shoes.

We showed up, mingled a bit and then headed out for a 5k. There was no intention of running fast. I just wanted to run with LB and encourage him to make it the whole way. I haven't run with him in so long. Our last run was painful intervals, sprint and walk, sprint and walk, sprint and walk....no pacing and done half a mile later. This time he was pacing! He didn't run out and kill himself in the first quarter mile. There was a little bit of sprinting though. He saw a little girl ahead of us, probably 10 or 11 years old, no way no how was that girl going to stay in front of LB. He took off and passed her. Not three steps ahead he slowed back to a snails pace jog. It could not have been more obvious what just happened. I smiled and caught up with him.

We did have some walk breaks but for the most part LB held steady. I was so proud! Not a single part of me wanted or needed to run any faster. I had a running buddy! And not just any running, my LB Running Buddy! I hope this is the beginning of many many more runs together. I'm sure one day he will outrun me and I'm ok with that. The smile on his face when he finished and when I told him how proud  I was of him was priceless....Not only did he come out and run, he understood the cause of the run, and that makes my heart happy.

Group Shot

Sarah, Rachel and me...

Done and I think he's tired.

Finally, happy Earth Day!! Figured this is a good time to post an update on my garden....It's almost done! I just need to finish up the fence to keep Lazy Dog out and put the last of the veggies in!

Track and Gym and Road...

...oh me, oh my!

Since Sunday's half marathon, which I haven't recapped yet (oops), I have decided that I kinda like running again. Variety. That is the spice of life. Right? At least that's what they say....who are they anyway? Well, neither here nor there, I think they are right.

When I lived and ran the streets of the PNW I had variety. My route was never the same. Always changing, always a left turn here, a new alley there, a random street here...it was great. My neighborhood now is so vanilla...ugh. I don't want to be ok with vanilla. I need chocolate syrup, brownie chunks and sprinkles on top. So the lack of variety in my routes has been a thorn in my side since Day 7 of moving to NC.  I know that. I KNEW that. I have known that this entire time.

Action.

Things don't change on their own. I know this too. I point this out to people every single day, over and over. Do you want to change? What are you going to do about it? It's not gonna just happen, it takes something to initiate the change. If you want something do something about it. In my case maybe what happened in Boston was what I needed to initiate change. But I will say after Sunday's half I felt the spark. It was there.

I have been doing my best to mix things up and not be so boring. This morning I did a treadmill run. I had forgotten how much I (kinda) like the treadmill. With the lack of any good hills around here it is about the only way I can get in good, convenient hill training. I set it on incline of 4 and went from 4 to 7 and back to 4 for some variation.  I was eyeing a Jacob's Ladder thing next to the treadmill but decided against trying it for fear of making a scene of myself....all legs and little coordination=trouble... I did some weights after my run. I like lifting after I run because if I do it right I can keep my heart rate up and continue the cardio workout. Tuesday I hit the track for speed work of 400m intervals @ 7-7:30 min/mile pace. I only did 4 with a 400m warm up, 400m recovery between and a 400 cool down, 2.5 miles all together. I was dunnnnzo after that. I remember the days when I could do 10 of those all at a 6:00-6:30 min/mile pace. Meh...it's a start. With the weather nice these days I hope to start meeting up with the local running club at the track on Wednesday nights.  I've been itching to hit the pool....soon I will.  And finally I set my bike up on the trainer...

Ummm......

So there you have it. I'm spicing things up. How have you spiced things up?

Who knew...

...a race shirt could fit into an everyday work outfit? Not me, until this morning anyway. I think my wardrobe just quadrupled.

It was decided that runners everywhere should don their race shirts in honor and respect for Boston, the marathon, runners, spectators and families. So far no one has mentioned anything to me about it, so either they A) live under a rock B) aren't runners and just don't get it C) this race shirt looks dang cute and no one even suspects I didn't get it from Nordstrom.

Yeah yeah...it's mirror image...don't know how to fix that....



I decided to wear the shirt from my first marathon, Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon in April 2010. I can't believe it's been 18 years since the OKC bombing on April 19, 1995. I remember exactly where I was, Mr. Hula's Physiology class...how could I forget Mr. Hula? And the way he used to write on the chalk board....**ahem**...anyway...News spread quickly around the school that there had been a bomb in Oklahoma City. At first I laughed. I have always felt so horrible for laughing....felt like such a jerk actually. But really, a bomb? In Oklahoma City? It sounded so absurd. Absolutely insain. Not possible...but then the librarian brought the TV out to the student center and we all gathered around. Shocked. In complete disbelief. Then came the news that there was a day care in the bottom floor of the building. Every working mother's dream, to have their child downstairs while they work, became their absolute worst nightmare....I felt sick.

The days and weeks to come were a blur. So many people came to OKC from all over the country. I remember seeing lines and lines of emergency vehicles, Red Cross Volunteers, National Guardsmen...And a photo seen HERE (you may not want to look) has been a fixture in my brian for so many years.

I don't know why I ramble on about this...but I guess just to say I chose the OKC Memorial Marathon for a reason. Even before I started running after college I imagined myself running that marathon. In 2004 my husband at the time ran the relay. Inside I was seething with jealousy. I wanted to run....fast-forward to 2008. I started running. First small races, local 5k's, 10k's then my first 12k the day before LB's dad left for Iraq.

It was then that I decided I would run one race a month until he came home. The small races became half marathons...and I ended up running 12 races in 11 months. I didn't stop. In fact I ran more...I began to see that running was so much more than just running. It was my sanity. It made me a better person.

2009 was a tough year, but I had no idea what would come in the following few years. End of 2009 I lost a pregnancy, then came 2010. I nearly divorced, endured another deployment and the loss of friends, found out my dad had cancer...the blows kept coming! Was this life? Was this how it is, how it was going to be for the next 80 years? Such extreme ups and downs? People actually enjoy this life? That is where my head was...once I recovered from my ectopic pregnancy I was cleared to run in February 2010. So I ran...

I had been saving my first marathon for the OKC Marathon. I had wanted to do Portland in 2009, the inaugural Seattle Rock n Roll in 2009. But my heart wanted OKC. So in Feb 2010 I registered for OKC one night while eating ice cream watching Biggest Loser (or at least that is how I remember it). It became real...I downloaded Hal Higdon's Novice 1 Marathon Training Plan and I stuck to that plan like glue. The next three months of training were amazing and life-changing.

During that marathon I felt like I would never become tired. Truth be told I wish I had run faster, that was my BQ race. I was scared of the wall that never really appeared, I ran conservatively because I was told it would be there. The people lining the streets of this race were so supportive. I remember at mile 23 seeing a fireman in all his gear running. Trust me, tearing up and getting a lump in your throat at mile 23 is NOT a good idea. I had an immediate flash of the photo I referred to earlier and nearly tossed my proverbial cookies....The entire race I read Bible scriptures on the backs of shirts. I read names along the way of those who we were commemorating, I was touched.

I had done it. I finished that marathon in 4:09 and some change. My dad, my LB and my TFF were there....like always and I could not explain the surreal experience  I had just had. It was like four hours of complete meditation. I would give anything to experience that again.

Anyway, I have no idea how to wrap up this sap-fest of a post. I don't pretend to know what it was like in Boston yesterday. But I do know how it feels to see your city under attack....and I know that during times of tragedy there is also so much good...just like Mr. Roger's mom told us:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” ― Fred Rogers

So that is what I will do....I will look for the good, for those who help...